Title: Tore Up from the Floor Up
Author: blankversesfic
Pairing: J2, in its fashion
Characters: Jared/Jensen, Eric Kripke, Kim Manners, Sera Gamble
Rating: Hard R
Summary: Eric, Kim, and Sera are celebrating the news of a third season when Eric notices something, well, unusual going on outside his trailer.
Warnings: Some crackery and accidental voyeurism.
Notes: I need a job. And maybe a nap. And maybe some help. Enjoy.
Disclaimer I don't know these people. This is all made up.




Eric popped open a bottle of champagne with a flourish, and Kim and Sera cheered.

“Here’s to season fucking three!” Eric whooped, spraying the other two with champagne.

“Drink it, don’t waste it!” Sera shouted, grabbing for the bottle and trying to down the overflowing foam.

“It’s not like you’re not drunk already,” Kim said, leaning back in his chair, feet up on the small table in Eric’s trailer. He himself was also well on the way to inebriated. “And it’s not like we’re not going to get even further tore up from the floor up at the writer’s party later.”

Sera swiped at her chin with the back of her hand. “True. But it’s not like they’re going to be busting out the good stuff, are they?”

Eric was still grinning, bouncing around the trailer. “Maybe. It is a big occasion and everything. Months of fret and worry and all that.”

Kim snorted. “You were never worried.”

“I was too.”

“No, you weren’t.”

“Yes, I was. I was deeply and truly worried.”

“Bullshit, and you know it.”

“Yes I was!”

“Was not!”

“Was too!”

Sera rolled her eyes and took another pull from the champagne bottle. “Are you going to keep this up much longer? You sound like your own fucking characters.”

The two men turned and glared at her. “What? I’m just sayin’.”

Something moved outside his trailer window and Eric turned to see what it was. He blinked and shook his head, sure that it was just the alcohol which had gifted him this strange hallucination.

“And I’m just saying that Eric played up the whole ‘we really hope we get another season but we just can’t say for sure until upfronts’ bit to scrounge up some more fan support so he could tell that psychobitch network head where to stick it.”

“Tell you where to stick it,” Eric responded automatically, brow furrowing slightly. He wasn’t sure anymore that what was going on outside was the booze’s fault.

“You were secretly a confident bastard secure in your own sense of self-righteous immortality.”

Eric moved closer to the window, pushed the blinds apart a bit and leaned forward, nose almost pressed against the glass. “Confident bastard, uh-huh.”

Sera stood, taking another swig of champagne as she moved to Eric’s side. She peeked through the blinds. “What the hell are you looking at -- oh!”

“What?” Kim asked, refusing to be drawn in.

“I knew it!” Sera whispered, clapping her hand over her mouth and giggling.

Eric frowned and took the bottle from her.

“What? What is it?” Kim asked.

“That is --it is, right? You’re seeing this too?”

“You bet I am.”

“The hell is going on out there?” Kim asked again, louder.

Eric and Sera were pressed up against the blinds. “Kim, get over here,” Sera said, still giggling. “You’ve got to see this.”

“See what?”

“Come here!” Sera said, waving a hand behind her.

“This -- I’m not sure that this is a good thing,” Eric said. “I mean -- well, this might be a good thing, right?”

“Sure’s good from where I’m standing.”

“Oh, Sera, not you,” Eric moaned. “Tell me, not you, too.”

“Son of a bitch,” Kim muttered, getting to his feet. “This better be good.”

“Sera sure thinks it is,” Eric replied.

“Damn skippy I do.”

Kim sighed, then moved up to the window and peered out into the night. It took his eyes a moment to adjust. Just down the way from Eric’s trailer was Jared’s, and from here it looked like the too-tall actor had someone pressed up against the side of it. “What? Jared’s making out with Sandy against his trailer? That’s what this is about?” He snorted. “You guys need hobbies. Or maybe skinimax.”

He was about to turn away when Sera grabbed his arm and pulled him back to the window.

“Keep watching,” she said, the grin evident in her voice.

“Whatever.” He watched for a moment, Jared’s broad back blocking Sandy. He sighed, getting bored, and was about to go and sit down and wonder just what he was doing spending his time off hanging out with these weirdoes when the couple flipped around and he realized that the recipient of Jared’s late night attentions wasn’t Sandy after all.

“Dude!” he said, leaning forward.

“I told you.” Sera sighed. “Man, that’s hot.”

“TMI much?”

“What?”

“You’re a perv,” Eric said.

“Am not a perv.”

“You’re turned on by two guys making out. That’s pervy.”

“Do you think two hot girls making out is hot?”

“Duh. I’m a guy.” Eric took a swig of champagne, then passed the bottle over to Kim.

“Have they -- is this -- how did I not know about this?” Kim sputtered, taking the bottle from Eric. “How am I this out of the loop?”

“Well, Eric, if you can think that two chicks making out is hot, then I can definitely think that two guys making out is hot without it being all ‘pervy’. Especially those two.”

“I thought people liked me. Told me things.”

“People like you,” Sera said, patting Kim’s arm reassuringly and giving him her most winning smile.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” She turned back to the window. “Damn, look at that! Jensen’s got his hand down Jared’s pants!”

Almost against their will, Eric and Kim leaned forward to verify for themselves the veracity of Sera’s observation.

“Dude,” Kim noted.

“Dude,” Eric agreed.

“Dude,” Sera breathed.

The three of them watched as Jensen kissed along Jared’s neck, his hand moving inside Jared’s jeans. After a moment Jensen shoved Jared back against the trailer wall, hands fumbling at Jared’s belt buckle.

“Maybe -- maybe we shouldn’t be watching this --” Eric whispered.

“Shut up,” Sera and Kim replied in unison. Sera, because this was the most awesome thing that she’d ever seen, Kim because he couldn’t wait to use this as blackmail the next time one of them tried to prank him on set.

Eric grunted uncertainly and mumbled something about privacy and voyeurism, but Kim noticed with amusement that he didn’t stop watching, either.

Kim and Eric shifted a little uncomfortably as the three of them watched Jensen ease Jared’s cock out of his pants and start to jerk him off.

“Looks like everything really is bigger in Texas,” Sera smirked.

“What do you expect? Dude’s like seven feet tall.” Eric said. “He’d look pretty fucking funny with a four inch dick.”

“But still, that’s a right weapon he’s got there.”

Eric sniffed. “It’s proportional, that’s all.”

“It’s a fucking appendage.”

“It’s not that big.”

“Yeah, it is.”

Outside, Jensen dropped to his knees in front of Jared.

“Guys --”

“I mean, it’s a good size, but nothing to write home about.”

“What? It’s the wang that ate Tokyo, for fuck’s sake!”

“Guys!”

“What?” Eric and Sara rounded on Kim.

“Jensen’s totally going to blow him,” Kim said.

“Well, he’s got the mouth for it. What? Tell me Jensen doesn’t have cocksucking lips and Jared out there will prove you wrong.”

“Boy sure does got a pretty mouth,” Kim agreed, nodding.

“Dude, now is so not the time for a Deliverance reference,” Eric muttered. “Are we really going to watch him give Jared a blowjob?”

“Yeah, we are,” Sera said eagerly.

“I feel as though I should be more weirded out than I am about how exciting you’re finding this.”

“Shut up, Eric. You’re ruining the moment.”

Jensen leaned forward and, as all three watched in anticipation, he slid his lips around Jared’s cock. They were silent for a moment as Jared’s eyes closed and he sagged back against the trailer, hands twining in Jensen’s short hair.

“Bet you twenty bucks he swallows,” Kim said.

Sera giggled. Eric took the bottle of champagne back, deciding that he really wasn’t nearly drunk enough for this situation. “Done.” He and Kim shook on it.

“No, fuck that,” Sera said, grinning madly. “I bet you double that it’s moot.”

“How is it moot?” Eric frowned. “It’s spit or swallow. One or the other. It’s, like, the basic question.”

“Naw, it’s moot.”

The two men glanced at each other. “Fine,” Kim shrugged. “Whatever.”

Now that there was money on it, Eric felt a little better about watching his stars in flagrante delicto. Jensen was blowing Jared like a pro, one hand wrapped around the base of Jared’s cock, head bobbing up and down. To Eric’s eye, it sure looked like he’d done this before.

“Boy’s got good technique, I’ll give him that,” Kim muttered approvingly.

Jared’s chest was heaving. That, and a few other tells signaled to Eric that Jared was getting close. He’s seen enough porn to tell.

“Here it goes, guys,” he said, excited a bit despite himself about the outcome.

“Come on, you bastard,” Kim murmured.

Jared’s head was rocking from shoulder to shoulder, and his lips were moving in what looked like, from this distance, an invocation to a higher power. His hands were tugging urgently at Jensen’s hair, and Eric grinned.

“He’s totally gonna spit,” Eric said. “That’s, like, universal code for ‘I’m a gonna come’.”

Kim glared at the window. “Don’t let me down, Jenny.”

“He’s gonna spit, Kim, just you watch.”

“You’re both fucking wrong, so shut up and let me enjoy this.”

“Come on, Jensen, swallow it like a man!”

At what appeared to be the last possible moment Jensen rocked back on his heels.

“Yes!” Eric said, louder than he’d intended. His fist pump died unpumped when Jared tugged Jensen to his feet and began pawing at his jeans. “The hell?”

“Told you,” Sera said, beaming. “It’s moot.”

“What --”

“That’s forty each, you fuckers.”

“What are they -- oh,” Kim said, blinking as Jared shoved Jensen up against the trailer, moving behind him. Jensen’s head snapped back, nearly hitting Jared in the nose, and then they were off, Jared fucking him fast and rough.

“Wow,” Eric said, impressed a bit despite himself at how, well, athletically they were going about things.

“You know, I kinda always thought that Jay would bottom,” Sera said musingly.

“You, like, pondered this? Enough to pick top and bottom?” Eric turned toward her, eyebrows nearly lifting off his head.

“Like, in theory. If it were to happen, which it is happening so it was a pretty fucking good theory as it turns out, I would have totally pegged our Jenny as the top.”

“But Jay’s taller,” Kim said.

“So?”

“Well, doesn’t the taller guy get to be the fucker and the shorter guy the fuckee?”

“Not automatically.”

“Huh.” Kim continued to watch, fascinated.

Eric raised the champagne bottle to his lips, surprised to find that it was empty. “I think I’m drunk.”

“Tore up from the floor up, I told you,” Kim replied.

“This is the most awesome thing that ever evered,” Sera added.

“Are we going to have to, like, talk to them about this? You know, in relation to the show and all that?” Eric asked.

“Probably. But first we’re going to have to tease the living fuck out of them.” Kim grinned.

“Should we -- should we maybe stop watching and just let them finish?”

“You shut your evil mouth, Kripke. We’re seeing this through to the end.”

Jared had one hand around Jensen’s waist. He was moving faster now, they both were, really into a rhythm.

“Jay’s totally giving him a reach around,” Kim said.

“Well, it’s only polite.” They both turned to look at Eric. “So I’ve heard! Jesus.”

“Does it say something about us that, you know, we’re watching this?” Kim looked actually concerned. “I don’t think I’ve ever watched two people that I know having sex before.”

“It is a little weird,” Sera agreed. “But then again, it’s also a little awesome.”

And then it was over. With a strangled cry that they could hear through the window Jared was coming, a few last hard, stuttering thrusts and he sagged against Jensen. Jared’s arm was still going, and after a moment Jensen came as well. He turned around and collected Jared in his arms, kissing him (what looked like, from this distance, anyway) tenderly.

“Aw, cute.”

“Aw, cute?” Eric snorted. “That’s your response? When did you go from ‘this is really hot’ to ‘aw, cute’?”

“When you can tell that if they had a bed they’d be cuddling, that’s when.”

They watched as the two men slowly put themselves together, buckling pants and straightening shirts. After one more quick kiss they moved away from the trailer.

“Where are they going?” Kim asked.

“I think -- oh shit, they’re coming over here!” Eric hissed. “What do we do?”

The three of them stepped away from the window, the blinds whispering back into place. They looked at each other for a moment before Kim threw himself into a chair, trying and failing to look nonchalant. Eric was about to jump on the sofa when the door opened.

Jensen stepped inside, Jared hot on his heels. They were both grinning, and looked a little flushed. Eric realized with a start that he’d seen that same grin on their faces before, after a break in filming when they’d been sent to their trailers to amuse themselves with video games, or when they’d gotten in too early or stayed too late and had a little down time.

“Hey,” Jensen said, smiling easily. “What’s up?”

“Uh, not much,” Sera said, a silly smile plastered on her face. “Just, you know, drinking and, uh, stuff.”

“Yeah. Drinking. We’re, um, drunk.”

Eric nodded. “Tore up from the floor up,” he agreed, gesturing with the empty champagne bottle. “Celebrating.”

“Yeah,” Jared said with a grin. “Us, too.”

Eric cleared his throat. “Really?”

“Yeah. We’re looking for more booze, though. Ran out.”

“Ran out. Yeah. Well, we’ve got more here,” Eric said, his voice overly pert and cheerful.

Jared smiled and moved over the the fridge. “Great!”

Jensen gave Eric a questioning look. “You sure you’re just drunk? Not, like, high or something? You’re all acting a little weird.”

“No weirder than we usually are,” Kim said, eyes dancing. “What about you? You two do anything, uh, unusual tonight?”

Sera shot him a look.

“No, not really,” Jensen said, brow furrowing. He looked back and forth at the three of them. “Is everything okay?”

“Just fine! Peachy!” Sera said, blushing furiously.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing, Jen. Just three people drinking in a trailer at night. Nothing scandalous about that.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Nothing at all going on here,” Eric said.

“Spill it.”

They were silent for a moment, and then Kim started laughing. Eric turned toward him, eyes wide with horror, but the laughter was catching, and soon Sera was laughing as well.

“Good job keeping up a solid front, guys,” Eric grumbled.

Jared was frowning as well, an open beer in each hand. He moved across the trailer to Jensen, handed him one, and took a long swig from his bottle. “Okay, either you really have done a bunch of drugs or something strange is going on and you don’t want to tell us.” He looked over at Jensen. “Why don’t they want to tell us? Don’t they love us anymore?”

Jensen sighed. “I guess not. I guess we’re unlovable.”

Kim grinned. “Oh, I think you’re pretty lovable. Lovable and quite loving, at that.”

The two actors stared at Kim for a moment. “Y’all are fucking weird,” Jensen pronounced. “Come on, Jay, let’s get out of here. Might be catching.”

Jared nodded. “See you at the party later,” he said, before turning to follow Jensen from the trailer. He gave them one last glance over his shoulder, still frowning, then closed the door behind him.

Kim, Sera, and Eric were silent for a moment, then burst out laughing again. Eric went to his fridge and brought out a second bottle of champagne. He popped open the cork and smiled. “To season three,” he said, raising it high above his head.

“Fuck that,” Sera said, grinning. “To the best eighty dollars I’ve ever won.”